The Fresh Loaf

News & Information for Amateur Bakers and Artisan Bread Enthusiasts

Just for Fun - the Dangers of Bread

preacher1120's picture
preacher1120

Just for Fun - the Dangers of Bread

Bread is Dangerous!

(copied from an email sent by a friend, thought I would share with you all!)

 

  1. More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread users.
  2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score below average on standardized tests.
  3. In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever, and influenza ravaged whole nations
  4. More than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of eating bread.
  5. Bread is made from a substance called "dough." It has been proven that as little as one pound of dough can be used to suffocate a mouse. The average North American eats more bread than that in one month!
  6. Primitive tribal societies that have no bread exhibit a low incidence of cancer, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's disease, and osteoporosis.
  7. Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and given only water to eat begged for bread after as little as two days.
  8. Bread is often a "gateway" food item, leading the user to "harder" items such as butter, jelly, peanut butter, and even cold cuts.
  9. Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is more than 90 percent water, it follows that eating bread could lead to your body being taken over by this absorptive food product, turning you into a soggy, gooey bread-pudding person.
  10. Newborn babies can choke on bread.
  11. Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 240 degrees Celsius! That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than one minute.
  12. Most bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling.
In light of these frightening statistics, we propose the following bread restrictions:
  1. No sale of bread to minors
  2. A nationwide "Just Say No To Toast" campaign, complete celebrity TV spots and bumper stickers.
  3. A 300 percent federal tax on all bread to pay for all the societal ills we might associate with bread.
  4. No animal or human images, nor any primary colors (which may appeal to children) may be used to promote bread usage.
  5. The establishment of "Bread-free" zones around schools.
Source Unknown
JavaGuy's picture
JavaGuy

Looks like we're going to have to start a National Bread Association (NBA) to defend our rights.

 

They can have my bread when pry it from my cold dead fingers.

ejm's picture
ejm

It's not just bread either that we have to be concerned about!!

Dihydrogen monoxide:
  • is also known as hydroxyl acid, and is the major component of acid rain.
  • contributes to the "greenhouse effect."
  • may cause severe burns.
  • contributes to the erosion of our natural landscape.
  • accelerates corrosion and rusting of many metals.
[...snip...]
Contamination Is Reaching Epidemic Proportions!

Quantities of dihydrogen monoxide have been found in almost every stream, lake, and reservoir in America today. But the pollution is global, and the contaminant has even been found in Antarctic ice. DHMO has caused millions of dollars of property damage in the midwest, and recently California. 

Despite the danger, dihydrogen monoxide is often used:
  • as an industrial solvent and coolant.
  • in nuclear power plants.
  • in the production of styrofoam.
  • as a fire retardant.
  • in many forms of cruel animal research.
  • in the distribution of pesticides. Even after washing, produce remains contaminated by this chemical.
  • as an additive in certain "junk-foods" and other food products [including bread].
read more about Dihydorgen monoxide: http://www.virtualschool.edu/mon/Quotes/BanDHMO.html
nbicomputers's picture
nbicomputers

the sad part is there are people who will read this and take it it as fact cause they woun't get it :(

preacher1120's picture
preacher1120

high fructose corn syrup! 

suave's picture
suave

Well, this one is sort of for real.

Mike

holds99's picture
holds99

The Bread Police SWAT team decended on my neighbor's house late last night, removed more than 20 loaves from his freezer, tagged them and placed then in evidence bags.  Looks like he's a goner.

I've got to get my stash moved...PRONTO!

Howard - St. Augustine, FL

GrapevineTXoldaccount's picture
GrapevineTXolda...

that a few of us are half-baked/over-proofed due to our fermented environments.

;)

Paddyscake's picture
Paddyscake

and I am a bread addict...